My Origin Story
The story of how I came to be at this place in my work goes back to my childhood, and like all of our origin stories, mine started before I was even earthbound.
My Father had been diagnosed and was living with a terminal cancer diagnosis when my parents found out they were having me. Dad had just been told there was nothing more to be done, within weeks of that news, my parents found out they were expecting a much awaited baby number two! And as you can imagine this was a time of the deepest highs and lows life can throw at you - this was my energetic beginning.
It seems it was in my divine timing to wait until chaos and intensity was all around us before I decided to come into the world. My in-utero and birth experience was heavily weighted in sadness and impending grief, although I am sure there were moments when we were all moved along by waves of love.
As I am sure it is for all children born into and growing up in a family that has experienced a death or other trauma, I became hyper aware of how those around me were feeling, how the individuals around me processed and how as a collective we moved through life with this shared, yet completely different lived experience of seemingly the same event. For me, there was intensity in feeling bigger patterns and seeking deeper meaning behind all the energetics that I felt swirling around and through me.
One of my earliest memories is at the age of about three sitting in front of a sunny window pretending I could play the piano with an elderly gentleman in our hometown hospital. We were both patients at the time and I was having a wonderful time playing the piano in the sun, totally oblivious to the chaos that was engulfing my mother. I was in the hospital that day after taking medications from the very top shelf of our ceiling-height kitchen cupboard at home, in an attempt to go to heaven so I could visit my Dad.
On reflection I think I understand what I was trying to achieve, I was seeking guidance on how to hold and transmute the overwhelming grief for those around me.
I really wanted to ‘fix’ the sadness and overwhelm being held, because I could feel it in others so vividly. I had been warned to never take medicine from the high cupboard because I might ‘die’ and I knew my Dad had ‘died’ and was in heaven, because that’s what all the adults said. It seems I had not put it together that you couldn’t just go to heaven for a visit and then come back.
My thoughts were to visit my Dad and by doing so, somehow that would allow me to access peace. For me, my relationship with my Dad has always been an energetic one. What I was attempting with my stunt was to change the energy, to pull the sadness through the portal that I knew was within me, the part of me that I already somehow knew I could turn the chaos and overwhelm into direction, peace and purpose. And I wanted that for others. It did however take me several decades to achieve this for myself.
From early on in my childhood I have had a sense of peoples energetic presence available to me and at times it was overwhelming, I have spent my entire life navigating and learning from it.
My mother was patient with me as child, when I faked being sick to stay home from school so she wouldn’t be home alone feeling sad. She was kind and tried to understand when I would tell her things I felt about random strangers and thought I should approach them. She was obliging when I needed to sit in churches to feel the reverence I felt when we did. At the time I couldn’t explain my own spiritual seeking, which felt completely removed from the harsh and often cruel comments that was my religious school experience.
As a creative and expressive primary schooler I chose to play endless games of Naturopathic-clinic receptionist (inspiration taken from the Naturopath my Mother had taken me to, to work out why I was always feeling unwell), filling my bed side tables with vibrational remedies and herbal tinctures, taking appointments across Mum's ironing board which made a pretty convincing front desk. I thought I had a real shot at landing a position on our family Naturopaths front reception when I grew up. When I did get to the pointy end of choosing a career I jumped between Naturopathy and Ambulance Officer as career choices, with the being my own boss glimmer becoming my careers North Star.
I met an earth angel disguised as a teacher when I was in my early 20’s and was moving through some of my own health and emotional issues. Barbara, who in my first energy session was so open, loving and accepting that I confided to her that I thought I might be going crazy, often at night I would have to lie with my fist balled and wedged in between my eyes at the bridge of my nose because of the overwhelming sensation I felt there.
I truly thought she would say yes, yes you are crazy! Instead Barbara looked at me and said calmly, ‘no that’s just your third eye’ and showed me how I could close it down when I felt that way. That day she told me if I wanted she would teach me everything she knew, and that was the beginning of my energetic education and putting together the framework of understanding of how I had been feeling into the energy states that presented and are still present for me. I was already at that time studying Naturopathy knowing that nature and the old ways had a lot to teach us about how to access the full potential within our modern lives .
From that point I began to gain clarity about my own ability to heal myself physically and emotionally and then how I could reflect these understandings for others around me. The knowledge that even on the most chaotic of days we can find that still point within ourselves, reach for the inner medicine that is within each of us and access our unique souls desires, orient towards that and move through our lives with purpose and intention.
My soul set the stage for me so perfectly to learn these knowings, for myself so I could learn to guide others to access their own. To take our experiences and feel beyond the chaos and simply sit in the essence of what our soul is reminding us of and what we are here to express.
Like most of us in this earth School I have and continue to learn my greatest lessons within relationships. Motherhood held me in a cocoon of transformation, a place where I keep experiencing a consistent universal nudge, that if I don’t model to my children how to show up and be moving through the world with a sense of soul guided authenticity I might have just wasted this soul's education and part of theirs. So that’s what I’m here to do.
I have always been a seeker for more information, more understanding, better ways to integrate what I have learned and then be available to guide others to do that for themselves. I am always in an open state of learning and now have many modalities that allow me to deeply dive into these topics with intention with my clients but to be honest when I strip back the complexity, the greatest knowing I have is that our soul selves are ready and willing to remind us in these moments. That these simple knowings are the greatest catalyst to our evolution, our most potent inner medicine.
